2019 Reviewed

While a 19th baby could sneak in before year’s end, I know that the family would be perfectly fine waiting until 2020 for their newest family member, so I am going to share my stats for this year:

18 births (17 live births, 1 stillbirth)

First set of twins!

17 hospital births, 1 home birth

16 vaginal, 2 Cesarean (1 scheduled for breech, 1 unplanned)

10 unmedicated, 8 epidurals

9 inductions

9 with certified nurse midwives, 9 with OBs or family practice doctors

Smallest baby: 5 lbs, 12 ozs

Biggest baby: 9 lbs, 6 ozs

Shortest labor support time: 3.5 hrs

Longest labor support time: 36 hrs

Average labor support time: 15 hrs

Longest gestation: 41 weeks + 5 days (induction)

First birth: 14

Second birth: 4

Location of births: Baptist Health Lexington 7, UK 6, Clark Memorial 1, Ephraim McDowell Fort Logan 1, Norton Women’s & Children’s 1, St. Joe’s East 1, Home 1

Baby’s sex: 12 females, 6 males

Most common first name initial: M (3)

Most common middle name initial: E (3)

2019 was my busiest and hardest year yet, for some reasons that I will share and others that I choose to keep private. 50% of my clients had their labors induced. I do not know what the average rate for inductions is at most of the practices that were included in this stat, but this felt very high. Some of the inductions were medically indicated and others were elective or for “squishy” reasons as one of my doula friends dubbed them. To me, “squishy” ones are where the provider gives reasons that one might want to induce, but they are sometimes not evidence based and may come with the additional pressure of fear/scare tactics. Again, that is my interpretation and perspective as a doula who has seen 22 different care providers deliver/catch babies. Inductions can be hard for a number of reasons, but one that often surprises people is how long they can take. My record setting labor support of 36 hours was at an induction.

Another reason that the year was hard was that I witnessed coercion and scare tactics from providers. Coercion is crushing to bear witness to and then difficult to untangle the events and emotions that come after it. I am good at helping clients navigate coercive behavior, but it’s not easy.

Was that too heavy? Okay. 2019 had some wonderful highlights. As the backup doula, I supported my first twin birth! For continuing education, I learned how to use a TENS unit in labor, went to the first ever Evidence Based Birth conference, and had a mentorship with Domino Kirke-Badgley, one of the founders of Carriage House Birth. I also became a certified birth doula through Carriage House Birth. One of the highlights in the birth room was seeing a hospital provider be almost completely hands off with a client (like I would see with a home birth midwife) and watch a partner catch his baby girl.

I’m looking forward to next year as I will have my first repeat clients! I am already more than halfway booked for 2020 as I am taking a limited number of clients, so if you’re interested in hiring me as your doula, now’s the time to connect! Thank you to the wonderful families that allowed me to support them in 2019 and to the people who supported me so that I could be at my best for them.

Condescension and Dismissal in Pregnancy and Birth

Being a doula and someone who cares about the emotional, informational, and physical support a birthing person receives, so many of the Lexington, KY, moms’ group Facebook posts about pregnancy and birth light me up! Like right now, I’ve got that temples-about-to-burst feeling from reading through a post about how to manage discomfort in labor without an epidural. A couple commenters wrote that their providers reminded them that they wouldn’t receive a medal for unmedicated labor and that they should do what’s “easiest” and not try to be a superhero. The condescension in those remarks is repulsive.

The overused comment about a medal for forgoing pain medication does not even make sense and is demeaning to all birthing people. One choice doesn’t get some sort of reward that the other does not. Both are valid and can be the best option for any individual or situation.

Anyone who dismisses your preferences or belittles you for the decisions you make is not providing respectful care. In labor, as in every other moment of your life, it is your body. When you are pregnant or laboring, you don’t suddenly lose control over making informed decisions about yourself and your baby. 

A respectful provider should listen to and answer your questions. Yes, they know more about pregnancy and birth than you do. They study and train and practice their work for years. They can understand your medical history and determine your and your baby’s health. But what they are not is YOU. You are a unique human being with experience, values, and thoughts that they may not ask about or may not understand (or that you choose, for one reason or another, not to share). Expecting this level of care is not unreasonable and there are midwives, OBs, and family practice doctors in our area who provide it.

If your provider is demeaning or doesn’t take time to answer your questions, that’s likely the type of care you’ll receive during your labor and birth. And if a friend, family member, or stranger is going to make judgments about you based on your choice to receive pain medication, they’re probably not the ones to go to for advice or pregnancy support. I have seen firsthand how much the birth experience affects the emotional well-being of the birthing person and their family immediately postpartum and months/years afterwards. Please take time to create a birth team that will meet your needs and provide respectful, evidence based care. You are absolutely worth it.